critique needed

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DMB
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Post by DMB » Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:20 am

Those all look like deeply interesting topics.

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subsymbolic
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Post by subsymbolic » Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:45 am

[quote=""plebian""]
Serf;661441 wrote:Mass reply

I thank all of you!! I have plenty of good advice here and I will be looking into it all. Also, I will write out something longer and pare it down as suggested.

When I post it, I hope you will not feel frustrated or feel you are wasting your time with me. It may still fail. I am learning. I view Secular Cafe as a very valuable resource and I can't thank you all enough.

I work an awful lot and I have very little free time so it could take a while.



Off topic question: This looks a little sketchy to me. Any comments on (Wikipedia)Trivium ?
Meh. Critical thinking is a skill that also ideally teaches individuals to organize their thoughts. On a somewhat related note, I am almost the only person I know who found Aristotle's Rhetoric useful at all. I say 'almost' because I've encountered a few lukewarm exceptions but I will say that, if you have a very open mind and some understanding of greek thought at the time (which mostly means you have read some aristotle under the supervision of a teacher), he gets at the heart of several important concepts.[/QUOTE]

I agree on Aristotle, but I think the Nichomachean Ethics is his finest work and by far the most useful for anyone considering trying to think clearly, argue clearly and convince others.

Mind you, I think anyone who wants to argue effectively in real time needs to practice poetry. Get the measure of prosody and you are well equipped to grab and hold an audience.

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Post by Koyaanisqatsi » Mon Dec 12, 2016 12:48 pm

If I may...?

We are enslaved to conflict. If we can find the courage to challenge the standard doctrines and greater forces--knowing that spilling blood fails and something new is required--it may be possible to create a lasting freedom. That means knowing how to look, how to question and how to proceed independently toward a common goal.

I choose to have faith that we can find a new way to exist together. I choose to believe this so that I may then begin to ask the right questions. In spite of all the historical evidence to the contrary, I choose to believe that humanity can mature.

Be ever attentive for the opportunity to enter into examined cooperation and critical solidarity with others who are also growing tired of the rinse and repeat madness of the human experience. Do not become complacent.
Stupidity is not intellen

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Serf
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Post by Serf » Mon Dec 12, 2016 2:20 pm

These are the essays that I wish to challenge myself with so that I can satisfy my desire to get my head screwed on straight.

I love the critique that I have been getting from you all and I am looking forward to learning from you all. It is a tall order for me but I am posting this in hopes that it will compel me to commit to a more determined effort of self-education.

This updated list will be my curriculum - please comment openly, especially if you notice one of your eyebrows raise sharply or your head jerk reflexively backward.

The Cycle of Violence in the Struggle for Freedom

Concentrated Power: The Decay of Freedom from Anarchy to Totalitarianism

Propaganda: Manipulation of the Uneducated Masses by Competing Power Players

Who Wages War? The People or the State Leaders?

Is State Power Justified in the 21st Century?

Direct Democracy (DD): Pros and Cons

Why Critical Thinking and Education is Essential to Maintain a True Democracy

The Art of Intellectual Self-Defense

The 21st Century Body-Politic

Redesigning of DD Using 21st Century Technologies: The Intellectual Revolution

Open-Source Intelligence: Collective Policy Making

Open-Source Intelligence: Constitution, Human Rights, Protecting the Minority

Demarchy: International Affairs and Administrative Staffing

International Affairs and Outside Threats:
Our Allies; the populations of foreign states
Our Threats; the states which rule over them

Domestic Threats: Identifying Ideologies in Favor of Concentrated Power

Conflict Resolution in a DD: Re-designing Enforcement and Judgement

Crime and Punishment in a DD: Humiliation vs Incarceration

The Price of Freedom: Defending the Freedom of Your Enemy While Thwarting Their Attacks Against Yours



Last edited by Serf on Mon Dec 12, 2016 3:52 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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DMB
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Post by DMB » Mon Dec 12, 2016 3:56 pm

Pick just one and try to start a discussion on it. I should warn you, however, that I start lots of threads, really in order to make sure that there are a few things floating around to be discussed. However, I can't predict which ones will generate much of a discussion and which ones won't. Quite daft ones take off. OTOH subjects that I find personally of great interest seem to bore everyone else.

So don't be too discouraged if you work on a subject and no-one replies. :)

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ToThePoint
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Post by ToThePoint » Sat Dec 24, 2016 11:58 pm

[quote=""Serf""]I am working on a project and would like to ask for some critique and possible edit advice for the following statement I put together. [.....]
[/quote]

HemingwayApp.com

Grammarly.com
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

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Serf
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Post by Serf » Sun Dec 25, 2016 6:38 pm

[quote=""ToThePoint""]
Serf;661327 wrote:I am working on a project and would like to ask for some critique and possible edit advice for the following statement I put together. [.....]
HemingwayApp.com

Grammarly.com[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I downloaded both and I am liking the hemingway app very much!!

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Serf
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Post by Serf » Sun Dec 25, 2016 10:22 pm

back on topic (my so called, uhm, mission statement)

I am trying for simple and readable.

I believe I am not alone with the feelings of doom I experience when witnessing human actions and reactions. I find it unsettling when we allow our fears to dictate our treatment of others and how we choose to attack them rather than understand and work with them. We are all too often eager to attack the defenseless whom we believe to be a threat to our freedoms and way of life. We attack them because today we have the opportunity and tomorrow we may not. We fear their rise to power and we fear that they will do to us tomorrow what we are doing to them today.

When a group who identifies with each other fears another that they can not identify with, a force of evil is born. There is nothing good about doing unto others what you would not wish for them to do unto you. They will not forget how you have chosen to treat them.

And what will happen if one day they rise in power and choose to do unto you as you have done unto them?

I believe this exchange of concentrated power enslaves us to conflict. Maybe we ought to direct our attention toward preventing power from becoming concentrated in the first place.

I believe that we are all witnessing the birth of new possibilities. The forms of governance that exist today emerged in a different world than the world we live in today. Is there any need for them today? Can we shape a new way to govern ourselves without the need for centralized and concentrated rulers?

I am seeing a world today that is creating the tools we need for building a different kind of future. One that can free us of violent controls. I believe that we can find a way to govern ourselves without the force, threats, or oppression that comes with concentrated power.

This is what I am going to fight for. Something new.

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Post by Sey » Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:01 am

Those essays sound interesting, Serf. Links?

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DMB
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Post by DMB » Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:40 pm

When a group who identifies with each other fears
This is grammatically incorrect. You are switching between the "group" (singular with singular verb "identifies") and its members who identify with "each other" (must be at least two of them, so plural)

Better if you said "members of a group who identify with one another fear" keeping it all plural.

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