DavidB: Tributes

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Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Tue Mar 04, 2014 5:25 pm

My brother had many friends who have been fantastic. My daughters are now here too which is also very helpful and good to have their company.

mood2
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Post by mood2 » Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:34 pm

Glad you're getting some support :)

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Jobar
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Post by Jobar » Wed Mar 05, 2014 12:22 am

[quote=""mood2""]Glad you're getting some support :) [/quote]

Yes indeed.

You've already done the hardest part; now you can take the time to mourn, and heal. I'm so very glad you were there for him, Cath, and that he didn't have to spend his last weeks away from his own place and home.

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Febble
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Post by Febble » Wed Mar 05, 2014 7:12 am

[quote=""Cath B""]I'm meeting the undertaker again in a couple of hours.

I just looked out of the window. It's high tide on a calm bright morning. Of course the sea will be bitterly cold at the start of March, but I suddendly had a hiraeth for going for a swim as I used to most warm days in my Tenby summer youth and get away from all this.[/quote]

What a wonderful word! Are non-Welsh people allowed to use it?

And did you go swimming?

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:01 am

David read extracts from The Rubaiyat at the funeral of our mother, who once loved it, and Dad and I want a reading at David's funeral. I've been reading through it, wondering which version, which verses. Then it occured to me that a search here might help, and low and behold:-

[quote=""David B""]Hard to say really.

People tell me - well, eccentric ones, anyway - that the OT is great literature, especially the KJV.

But Omar reads better. I like the 5th edition best, followed by the first.

It's a very human book, and the joint authorship crossing culture and centuries makes it, to me I suppose, an even more all-embracing look at the human condition.

Arab mystic scientist writer meets Victorian upper class freethinker.
Then to the lip of this poor earthen Urn
I lean'd, the Secret of my Life to learn:
And Lip to Lip it murmur'd--"While you live
Drink!--for, once dead, you never shall return..

...And if the Wine you drink, the Lip you press
End in what All begins and ends in--Yes;
Think then you are To-day what Yesterday
You were--To-morrow You shall not be less...

...And fear not lest Existence closing your
Account, and mine, should know the like no more;
The Eternal Saki from that Bowl has pour'd
Millions of Bubbles like us, and will pour
David[/quote]
Last edited by Cath B on Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: adding comma

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:04 am

also [quote=""David B""]......

When my mother died last year we had a small family funeral with a Humanist officiant. I found that ..... look for words - comforting. The various things said brought her vividly to mind, and yet the event provided some closure, for want of a better word.

My role was to read some verses from one of her favourite poems, the Rubaiyat of Omar Khyam. I found choosing the verses a useful way of bringing my mother to mind, and also useful for saying my goodbyes and letting go.

David[/quote]

[quote=""David B""]Though there are religious references in it, the fortuitous combination of Islamic mystic/mathematician.astronomer/sage and British Victorian freethinker who between them - though separated by centuries - created the Rubaiyat of Omar Khyam seems to me to fit the bill admirably.

http://classics.mit.edu/Khayyam/rubaiyat.html
Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too into the Dust descend;
Dust into Dust, and under Dust to lie
Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and--sans End!
David[/quote]

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:15 am

[quote=""Febble""]
Cath B;528241 wrote:I'm meeting the undertaker again in a couple of hours.

I just looked out of the window. It's high tide on a calm bright morning. Of course the sea will be bitterly cold at the start of March, but I suddendly had a hiraeth for going for a swim as I used to most warm days in my Tenby summer youth and get away from all this.
What a wonderful word! Are non-Welsh people allowed to use it?[/QUOTE]

Of course! :)

I'm not sure that I pass muster as Welsh myself these days.
And did you go swimming?
No, it's COLD! Brrrrr.....

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DMB
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Post by DMB » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:22 am

I think the Rubaiyat is a wonderful choice. I suppose it has to be the Fitzgerald translation? That seems to be the one that both your mother and David liked.

I have a beautiful illustrated hardback book that was given to us by the Iranian guy from whom we bought our house. He did the translation himself.

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Swansea_Trace
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Post by Swansea_Trace » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:24 am

I met David when I was a teenager. Unlike most of the adults around me, he always took the time to talk to me, explain stuff to me and to teach me - maths and science of course but also on walks in the Pembrokeshire countryside he would explain the flora and fauna to me. Years later he treated my sister's children in the same way - he respected them, listened to them and educated them. In recent years it was the turn of my children.

I told my kids that their father and I would be attending David's funeral on Friday and casually, over dinner, asked if they would like to come. I stressed that they were under no obligation whatever. It is a testament to our friend that their reaction was so vehement - all three stopped eating and looked at me as if I were mad. OF COURSE we're coming they said.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat kids.

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Aupmanyav
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Post by Aupmanyav » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:29 am

Sorry, Cath B. Like Pendaric said, "A privilege to have known him, even if only online."

BhagwadGita 2.10 - 2.30 (I have removed all superflous additions in "As it is", which do not form the part of the original):

BG 2.10: O descendant of Bharata (Dhritarashtra, father of Kauravas)*, at that time Krishna, smiling, in the midst of both the armies, spoke the following words to the grief-stricken Arjuna.

BG 2.11: The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: While speaking learned words, you are mourning for what is not worthy of grief. Those who are wise lament neither for the living nor for the dead.

BG 2.12: Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor all these kings; nor in the future shall any of us cease to be.

BG 2.13: As the embodied continuously passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, it similarly passes into another body at death. A sober person is not bewildered by such a change.

BG 2.14: O son of Kuntī, the nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed.

BG 2.15: O best among men [Arjuna], the person who is not disturbed by happiness and distress and is steady in both is certainly eligible for liberation.

BG 2.16: Those who are seers of the truth have concluded that of the nonexistent there is no endurance and of the eternal there is no change. This they have concluded by studying the nature of both.

BG 2.17: That which pervades the entire body you should know to be indestructible. No one is able to destroy that imperishable.

BG 2.18: The material body of the indestructible, immeasurable and eternal living entity is sure to come to an end; therefore, fight, O descendant of Bharata.

BG 2.19: Neither he who thinks the living entity the slayer nor he who thinks it slain is in knowledge, for the self slays not nor is slain.

BG 2.20: There is neither birth nor death at any time. This has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. It is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. It is not slain when the body is slain.

BG 2.21: O Pārtha, how can a person who knows that this is indestructible, eternal, unborn and immutable kill anyone or cause anyone to kill?

BG 2.22: As a person puts on new garments, giving up old ones, it similarly accepts new material bodies, giving up the old and useless ones.

BG 2.23: This can never be cut to pieces by any weapon, nor burned by fire, nor moistened by water, nor withered by the wind.

BG 2.24: This is unbreakable and insoluble, and can be neither burned nor dried. It is everlasting, present everywhere, unchangeable, immovable and eternally the same.

BG 2.25: It is said that this is invisible, inconceivable and immutable. Knowing this, you should not grieve for the body.

BG 2.26: If, however, you think that this is born and dies forever, you still have no reason to lament, O mighty-armed.

BG 2.27: One who has taken his birth is sure to die, and after death one is sure to take birth again. Therefore, of that which is unavoidable, you should not lament.

BG 2.28: All created things are unmanifest in their beginning, manifest in their interim state, and unmanifest again when dead. So what need is there for lamentation?

BG 2.29: Some look on this as amazing, some describe this as amazing, and some hear of it as amazing, while others, even after hearing about it, cannot understand it at all.

BG 2.30: O descendant of Bharata, who dwells in the body can never be slain. Therefore you need not grieve for any thing.

* Bharata, Descendant of Bharata, can be used for both, the Kauravas (this time for Dhritarashtra) and the (Pandavas), because they both were cousins and belonged to the Bharata line.
Last edited by Aupmanyav on Wed Mar 05, 2014 10:28 am, edited 6 times in total.
'Sarve khalu idam Brahma'
All things here are Brahman (physical energy).

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Wed Mar 05, 2014 8:34 am

[quote=""DMB""]I think the Rubaiyat is a wonderful choice. I suppose it has to be the Fitzgerald translation? That seems to be the one that both your mother and David liked.[/quote]

My mother would probably only have known Fitzgerald's (as do I, though I've been flicking through some others on the internet this morning).

The copy of my mother's I found at David's flat is his first edition and I had been working with that one till I just read that David prefered the fifth edition.
I have a beautiful illustrated hardback book that was given to us by the Iranian guy from whom we bought our house. He did the translation himself.
Oh, wonderful!

phands
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Post by phands » Wed Mar 05, 2014 6:57 pm

Rubaiyat is indeed a great choice.

My parents' grave has...

“Tis all a Chequer-board of nights and days
Where Destiny with men for Pieces plays:
Hither and thither moves, and mates,and slays,
And one by one back in the closet lays.”


On it. Pic is attached.
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ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:02 am

[quote=""phands""]Rubaiyat is indeed a great choice.

My parents' grave has...

“Tis all a Chequer-board of nights and days
Where Destiny with men for Pieces plays:
Hither and thither moves, and mates,and slays,
And one by one back in the closet lays.”


On it. Pic is attached.[/quote]

Thanks for sharing phands!

I got a verse engraved on my husband's gravestone too. one he wrote himself.

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:19 am

I had a busy day yesterday.

The preious evening I emailed an obituary to the local paper.

I spent the morning at the house of such a lovely friend of David's.

She helped me chose from her wardrobe clothes for me to wear to the funeral tomorrow - all the clothes I brough with me are pretty scruffy. The friend has lent me everything bar underwear and socks! David would have approved of me not buying new, and I'm rubbish at selecting clothes anyway.

We also went through photos of and taken by David, some printed, some stored electronically and I was glad to leave her with the task of mounting them while I met with my daughters for a pasta lunch cooked by one of them before spending the afternoon finalising the eulogy and the prose and poetry readings. I changed the Fitzgerald First Edition verses I'd started chosing to Fifth Edition ones having noted David's preference here - the book of my Mum's I'd found on his shelf had been a First Edition version. I'd reached saturation point by the time I'd finished, not really up to fine-tuning my choices, so emailed them to the celebrant and asked him to feel free to suggest amendments.

I'd hoped for the chance of a walk today, but it's likely to remain wet so don't expect to go far. Forecast is fine for tomorrow.

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Pendaric
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Post by Pendaric » Thu Mar 06, 2014 9:22 am

Cath, what time is the funeral tomorrow?

I'd like to take some time out to observe a moment of silence at around that point.
fear is the mind killer

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:08 am

:hug:

10.45

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DMB
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Post by DMB » Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:12 am

Dear Cath,

I'm sure that the thoughts of many of us will be with you tomorrow. I hope it all goes well.

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:27 am

Thanks. :hug:

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Febble
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Post by Febble » Thu Mar 06, 2014 11:13 am

Image

This is what David helped me understand.

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:06 pm

^ ^ ^

I like that very much, makes sense to me.

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espritch
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Post by espritch » Thu Mar 06, 2014 11:40 pm

[quote=""DMB""]Dear Cath,

I'm sure that the thoughts of many of us will be with you tomorrow. I hope it all goes well.[/quote]

The one main virtue of a funeral is that, no matter what happens, the guest of honor will not be perturbed.

mood2
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Post by mood2 » Fri Mar 07, 2014 12:49 am

I think David would be chuffed to bits, you've done him proud Cath. Will be sending hugs :hug:

Cath B
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Post by Cath B » Fri Mar 07, 2014 7:02 am

Talking yesterday about this with a friend: David generally prefered small social gatherings to big ones but I think there's much he'd have liked about this one.

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Pendaric
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Post by Pendaric » Fri Mar 07, 2014 10:44 am

My thoughts are with you Cath. Hope it all goes ok.

Here's to David.
fear is the mind killer

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Aupmanyav
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Post by Aupmanyav » Fri Mar 07, 2014 11:44 am

[quote=""phands""]My parents' grave has .. [/quote]With cremation and immersion of ashes, we leave no trace. :)
'Sarve khalu idam Brahma'
All things here are Brahman (physical energy).

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